lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
