.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
