i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
