I'm jealous of your bromance
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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