I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize