how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
