Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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