That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
being pregnant is like rehab
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
