Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
