I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
