HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
