i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
