If i come over, it means nothing
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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