my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
