No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
