nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
