I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
