Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
