UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
