I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
