All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
