Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
