Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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