Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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