i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
