so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
