My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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