Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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