Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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