Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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