Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
