I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
