He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
