Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
