I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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