my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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