Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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