i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
