I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
