I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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