i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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