i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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