her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
