Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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