even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
