My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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