you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
