your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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