Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
everyone is single if you try hard enough
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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