I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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