Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
