Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
...so i touched it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
