i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize