You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
