Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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