Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
