I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Text me some of your sweat
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