My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize