Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
