walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
