i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
