Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
