If i come over, it means nothing
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
