why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
