brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Can Purell be used as lube?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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