They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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