My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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