Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
