I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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