After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
