After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
