Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
