I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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